for the record
I hate myself
for being tardy
and dilatory
for making you wait
for making you late
for ruining occasions
and plans
even getting
your pay docked
I've tried
ad nauseum
to kill this
Achilles heel
that overshadows any of my
feeble goodness
makes me deeply inconsiderate
makes me out to be a person
who isn't concerned
how it isn't true
but actions speak louder
I feel like scum yet
I must still be selfish
and I care deeply
(but it looks like I don't)
and I ache inside
(though it seems nonchalance)
and breathless come finally and say
"I'm sorry"
again
again
again
and rupture inside
when the day comes
and I hear it
"no
you're not."
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